I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
