He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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