Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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