Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
