From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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