I love watching others lives come down to our level.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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