it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
