So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
