Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
