i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
