When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
