Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
