PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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