Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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