I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
