Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
