so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
