i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
