bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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