the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
