so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
