trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
