i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
