So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
