that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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