She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
