I faked an abortion last night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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