very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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