I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
