I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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