you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
