youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
