Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
