her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
