My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
