I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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