I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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