saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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