Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
