I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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