Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
