Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
