I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
