I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
