I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
