his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Do vagina's smell?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
