I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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