what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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