"it" just moved
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
