yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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