omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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