I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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