I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
