I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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