The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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