I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
