just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
