When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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